I sent an email to all of my course to ask if they would watch the 17 minute rough edit I made of my footage. Some points I made in the email:
- This edit would not be my final work
- It is an exercise to see how comfortable I feel showing the footage
- I wanted to see how the footage made people feel
- I told everyone that there would certainly be cringey moments and it’s ok to find it so
- I asked for any feedback/comments/thoughts about the film
- I put a password on the film so only they could see it
As soon as I sent the footage I definitely felt my anxiety go up, questioned the whole exercise and even thought about taking the video down. But I came to the conclusion that it was all the more important to share it with others so I would know with more certainty whether I could face showing it to the wider public. The fact that the group I sent it to was a mixture of first and second year online and london based students meant that I knew some of the people I sent it to and others not at all so the feedback would be valuable from both those perspectives. Even though some people I haven’t yet met, I did still feel a sense of trust and comfort sending it to people in my group.
The response I got from this whole exercise was fantastic, a number of people responded via email as well as leaving me audio and video messages on WhatsApp. I was very heartened by the time that people took out of their own working day to help me out, and the feedback has been very valuable.
The one consistent piece of feedback or question that I received was about the sound. Is there supposed to be no sound? Was the main question. That’s been incredibly helpful to me as I’m used to it without any sound as that’s how it was made. A couple of people think it would be heightened by that so that is something I’ll have to think about soon!
To some the bedroom scene at the end wasn’t necessary, to others they really liked it and wanted to see more, perhaps even more vulnerability. I’m not sure how much further I could push that haha. There are other scenes but I need to think about the balance I have as the one being in control of the editing and the one in control of my wellbeing too.
Some wanted to understand more of the narrative, that was an interesting one for me as I can completely see that but my hope and intention is to distort the narrative. I want the work only to be about my emotion but not why I am in that emotional state. It was an interesting point though and I hope with better editing I can clarify the narrative I ultimately hope to bring through, if I continue this as a film piece.
I got great artist research ideas such as Sophie Calle and Rosa Menkman.
As well as this some liked the idea of pushing the low-fi aspect of it even further and suggested things such as datamoshing. That’s an excellent tip as I have no idea what datamoshing is! Will be looking into that today.
My main fear by sending this video also was the sense of indulgence there is when other people see you in such a low state. People were very supportive in their response but it’s funny this whole thing. I almost don’t want people to see me as indulgent in my emotion, but that is more of a personal issue. Hopefully that will continue to be worked on through this project.